Part 3
us Part 3 – so long 2005.
Well. This is it. Its been a whole damn year since most of you people have known me. Well.. not really, but for me its been! So HA! The first few months dont count!
Lets start with the basics:
I have always prided myself with the answer of ‘same old same old’ whenever someone asked how I was doing. In my family, I was supposed to be the one that never changed no matter what the circumstances. Its rang true for all my friends at home, and amongst you guys. Well.. I believed that too, even with the whole crisis thing I had in November.
But then I started reading my journals again.
Did anyone else notice it? I’m not sure if I was hallucinating, but as the year went on, they stopped being.. well... odd. I read through all of them from the top to the bottom, and as the year went on, things stopped being mentioned, replaced by other thngs I figured were more important to be noted down.
I think I’m behinning to understand myself slighly more than I thought I did. For one thing, I have always been a nymphomaniac. Its hard for me to accept it to myself (almost as bad as being a chaser in my books), and I think I always will be inside. I sure as hell know I was at the beginning of this year. But, well, as it went on, my values, things I believe in, things I was sure was smooth and straight, well, they didnt matter anymore. It hasn’t been because of one small fact either. I know it was definitely you guys. You rub off me like bad glitter on a drag queen’s face. But it wasn’t just that.
Well.. I broke my biggest rule of all things beyond all things that I swore I would never ever do again. By the end of april, I fell in love.
Its weird. I had been there before, but been hurt so damn hard I had just pushed it back. I wasn’t expecting it to happen ever the hell again – especially the way it bleeding happened, and who it happened with. I just want it to end.
But it did me a world of good. I had rejected it at first because it conficted with everything I had wanted to do with my life. I wasn’t ready to commit. For god sake look how screwed up when my mother came over. How can I be in a relationship when something like that could just mess me up so deeply I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night?
But now, its different. I don’t feel the same way I used to 12 months ago about shit. Its like I’ve finally grown up. Its ironic. Something I never expected to feel, came at me at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person, but hey, I deserved it. Its cool. And I don’t feel bad about anything of it. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
Just, couldn’t they get someone crap and annoying? Huh? My god there’s only so much I can handle! Sheesh!
I’m still here. Don’t worry about me. Don’t you fucking dare.
I think I finally understand why God made me what I am. I looked at my family carefully today, and I realised that had it been any one of them, they could never had been able to handle it. If one of us was going to turn out this way, it was best that It was me. I might be the saddest amongst them, but had it been my cousin, uncle, aunt, sister, brother, well, They may have always hated themselves. God didn’t just pick onme of us at random. He chose me because I can live with it. They never could have. And I gues that will have to be my strength, the one thing leading me on through another year. That I can cope with shit none of them ever could have.
So thanks guys. Thanks so much for this crazy year.
sunin you know I will always appriciate your music collection.
abeneplacito I wil play achaea with you this year! I promiise!
straylight SUPER PUMP WILL ALWAYS ROCK I LOVE YOU!
mattnottm so what we going to call you now? Mattbrmgam?
Zaty I never see enough of you for god sake! Come on our more!
zzzp<
Random Thought: my brother is a fucking idiot
Last modified: Friday, March 20th, 2026 at 8:04pm
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