When a man gives you flowers...
According to popular myth, when a man gives you flowers, you must be wearing impulse. On London Underground when a man picks up a crumpled McDonald’s bag off the floor of the carriage and pushes it in your face you only feel repulsed. When the said same man is also invading the little personal space you have on the tube and exerting some unwanted leg on leg contact and pushing you against the glass partition until you look like a Damien Hurst you also feel a little scared.Been a couple of freaky incidents on the tube recently. Confrontations are always a little scary. I’ve never been involved in one directly but I have observed a few. I always think that if it happened to me I’d start off with “Hey crazy what the fuck are you doing?” but cowardice may be the better part of valour.
I didn’t even say anything the time that someone threw up lucozade next to me on the train and I got it on my trouser leg. I just shook the excess off and walked it dry on the way to work.
The most irritating thing is when people take up as many seats as they can on the tube by spreading their shit out laterally across the seat next to them and crossing their legs to take up the seat opposite as well and don’t even flinch when you sit down and start shuffling around diagonally opposite them. The other irritant is when people have their feet on the seat and only move them moments before you go to sit down. Maybe it’s all the pent up anger but I’d love as I am getting off the tube one day to drive my elbow hard down onto the top of their skull as seen in Ong Bak. Not that I ever would... Or would I...
No, I wouldn’t.
Last modified: Thursday, April 9th, 2026 at 9:24am
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