He Pays Pre-Pay on the Pea Pore
So since I started the new job I’ve given up my tube habit because frankly, there are easier ways of getting to London Bridge during rush hour than navigating the commuter melee at Green Park of a morning. And the corridor between the Piccadilly Line and Jubilee Line is sooooooo long!So a typical journey goes like this:
Get on bus. Present Oystercard.*Beep* The strangely dressed irish woman who gets on at the next stop (all of about 50m away) invariably tries to blag a free ride when her Oyster pay-as-you-go has run out- “I’ll top it up on the High Street, would you mind dropping me down there?” The fuck I would! Everyone else had to pay darlin'! Do you think bus rides can be paid for in arrears? Shidt! This aint charity even if you are wearing dayglo stripey tights and pixie boots for a bet. She never gets a free ride, the driver always makes her pay.
Further on the bus fills up, I always have a seat. Sooner or later the rear doors become the new entrance doors when people start pushing their way on because everyone on the bus is standing up at the front. Sometimes the driver gets annoyed, othertimes the driver already has a world weary air of resignation about him and lets it slide. People who entrance through the rear are honest enough to pass their Oystercards up to the front to be swiped *Beep*. One time the driver had a go at this woman for getting on through the rear doors when she presented her Oystercard. She didn’t understand English and just smiled at him from under her veil *Beep*.
Get off bus, enter train station. Present Oystercard. *Beep* Gates open. Get on train. Wedge myself in seat. Sometimes the guard checks the tickets on the train. If he has his Oyster reader he uses that, if he doesn’t he just looks at it intently- maybe you can read a chip with brainpower alone if you stare hard enough. At Waterloo there’s a queue to get off the platform through the eye of a needle armed by two ticket checkers. The handheld Oystercard readers take an eternity to register, I hear someone behind me giving birth its taken so long.
Across the concourse and up the escalator to Waterloo East. A phalanx of ticket checkers spread themselves across the passsageway barring entry down to the platforms. More queuing, more waiting for the little green light to come on on their handheld readers. My Oystercard will be wafer thin soon it gets so much wear and tear.
Literally a hop, step and a jump later I disembark at London Bridge and attempt to exit the station via the rear entrance which involves a brilliant piece of logistical planning namely having to cross at right angles a passageway through which there is a constant fast flowing stream of focussed commuters- there’s more jostling than in the race for a window seat on a Ryanair flight. Finally I make it to the gate. Present Oystercard. *Beep*.
Check watch, has it really taken one hour and twenty minutes???
Only eight hours then I get to do it all again in reverse.
*Beep*
Last modified: Thursday, April 9th, 2026 at 9:24am
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