Errant
I’ve been thinking about my own mortality recently....more than the “o I don’t want to die” thing but like I want to know when and how and what I can do in the meantime.I suppose its this hierarchical thing – is it Maslow? – where you need your basic needs fulfilling in life (ie a roof over your head, your health, food to eat etc), before you move onto the next level (like having a nice car, lots of money)
I’ve been having this feeling of impending doom....which is usually not unusual for me, but of late I think is (are you still following?) Usually I get the fear that my world is going to crash around my ears and once again being stuck in a bad situation that I can’t get out of.
I’m blaming Nigel, as usual. I keep thinking I want to spend more time with him as I possibly can before I die (how fucked up does that sound?!?!) and the things we can do together, moving out into the country, having a nice job and just being plain silly until were in our 80s.
I don’t want to die just yet. I feel that the past 12 months my life has been, for the first time since I realised my own mortality, that I’m “in the black” or “making a profit for the first time” – not only financially but emotionally and I don’t want it to go. Overrall my life is good and I don’t want it to go.
I fear I’m holding on too tight and I’m going to crush it.
On a lighter note, I’ve just finished my final Monday at NGH. I didn’t get home til 7.30pm which for me is more like midnight. Who said the last weeks are a doss?
Oh and if I don’t repeatedly bludgeon that woman with my hole-puncher, it will be one fuck off miracle even Jesus would be proud of.
On my shopping list today :- One pinata, One Lady Jane Scourer (as modelled below)
Random Link: www.cookability.biz/b_138.htm
Last modified: Tuesday, February 17th, 2026 at 10:08am
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