Hacienda
So time for a quick brain defragQuite a bit has happened recently.
New job – bit pants – but that was to be expected. I get to talk about colours in words like teal and cerise unlike the normal blokey-favoured, green and pink. And when I start talking about colours with two words, like Berry Blush and all that rubbish, that’s when I know it has addled my brain.
ILL AGAIN! Huzzah, but it’s nowhere near as bad as the attack I had in February. My GP has now informed me that I really am not well.......after 10 months of me telling her that! Who says the NHS doesn’t work in this country anymore? Muchos swollen tonsils and they’ve finally referred me to a haemotologist to look at my icky blood and a chest x-ray for my crackly cough. I’m feeling better already, so at least that’s being sorted out.
I’m still stuck in Wellingborough, but hopefully not for too much longer – have contractors coming out to price me up the rest of the bathroom I really can’t be arsed to finish. Each bout of tonsilitis has knocked the stuffing out of me and each time I go to the toilet I almost wince in pain to see it still in that state.
T and I have separated a while ago. I suggested that the distance between Lincoln and Wellingborough although far wasn’t unbearable, but wasn’t sure I wanted to have another long-distance relationship. After having a few weeks “enforced separation” I decided that I would make a go of it, only for T to say he now didn’t. Men – they’re all bastards. Tis for the best really as I now see what life would have been like with this man and I don’t think I would have been that happy.
So a few tears and sleepless nights, and everything has sort of gone back to normal.
N and I are getting on like brothers, squabbling, arguing and then going out drinking – so that’s all good too. I can also reflect more about where we went wrong too. I was always the understudy in our relationship methinks, always playing second fiddle to this superior being, and although he is captivating – over a long period of time you can find it irritating – a “holier than thou” attitude which cannot be played perennially. Still all said, I feel happier being single than being in a locked alliance, which is what it was getting to. I started to lose all of my independence, but even worse, my own personality. I forgot who I was. I didn’t know who I had become. I detested this “rent-a-couple” mentality that some other people are so fond of.
I’ve been getting out a lot more recently too. I’ve been socialising with friends at weekends and during the week going out with others. I’ve restarted my gym too, which, apart from the most recent period of the plague, has been paying dividends. I’m sleeping better, I’m drinking less, I’m looking a bit better – and long may all this continue. I’m also doing yoga and going swimming once a week too.....omg !!! lolololz And all this exercise for just £16 a month.....how so? – by pretending I was INSANE! Insane people get concessionary prices at the leisure centre, and if you can prove your mad, which as an ex-manager of a mental health daycentre, wasn’t too hard, then you get in for half price. Wicked!
So after a bit of insanity a few weeks ago, I’ve felt as though although I’ve come down in my expectation, my mood has lifted quite considerably. I am no longer morose and in tears all the time. I still get bouts of it, but then I go and do something that will bring me back up again, and it needn’t be anything fun – even ironing! I’ve acheived something, even it is only ironing, and I think that’s what’s been missing – more than anything else – I’ve missed the sense of achieving something. For someone who is as competitive as I am, this was a pretty high priority. So I’m setting myself goals, and one of those is definitely my health.
I’ve even managed a couple of dates, and although not much has come about from these, it’s nice to know I don’t have to be all cloak and dagger about things. It’s nice to k
Random Link: uk.youtube.com/watch?v=rZVjKlBCvhg
Last modified: Monday, May 11th, 2026 at 6:45am
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