My head’s gonna pop
Just arrived around Owen's and thought I’d scribble some of my thoughts before he, Alan and I sit down to watch Toy Story 2 (yeah I know... but we wanted something like hearted so leave us alone you smelly toe rags!).I think I’ve figured out why I’m all headfuckey, and I’m not entirely sure I like it... and if I explain it to the people it involves I’m not sure they will like it either.
It’s going back to the whole “age” issue again. I’m scared. Really fucking scared. I really like Sean, and to be honest, given the chance, and some space just to make sure I’m being vaguely rational, I’d probably get back with him in an instant.
From there though... I don’t know. I’m 23, a workaholic, I can’t honestly say that I know what my dream in life is anymore. He’s 16, he’s just starting his adult life, and climbing the job ladder and such like. When I’m 30 and old and probably crusty (sorry anybody who is approaching, currently sat at, or already passed that magical age) he’d only be 23, that’s like... my age now... how much of a head fuck is that.
Is it a head fuck that I can deal with though is the question, and will he still be around when I’ve managed to figure out whether or not it’s going to fuck with me too much.
Owen has always said that my taste in men will mature with time. It’s true, I’ve certainly become more sure of what I want from a partner, and finally admitted to myself that sometimes I want to be cared for, rather than be the one doing all the caring. That’s a big thing for me, because sometimes I’m almost as much a “control freak” as some others in my social circle.
Bah, going to watch the movie. Will deal with my head somewhen else.
Last modified: Wednesday, June 17th, 2026 at 3:55pm
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